Lately, it has become rather apparent that going through phases in life is exactly like the emotional rollercoaster ride you can be taken on when purchasing a new pair of jeans.
Those phases in life where you feel like everything has just come crashing down on you, you’re caving, your motivation is dust and you actually have no idea what the next step is. Kind of like all my denim piles at the moment. Left alone, untouched and unfocused, and a little confused as to what their purpose is.Unfortunately, like my denim, this is me at the moment.
I thought I had the perfect fit, but clearly it is not.
The conversations you have when shopping for new jeans can either go one way or the other. Do I choose stylish over comfort, or distressed over something that my grandmother might actually compliment.
I have never been the person to talk about what I am going through, I am a terrible talker but it is about time I, and with the push of a few people I know, start to talk. I feel this is going to be quite the challenge.
Over the past few blog posts I have shared where I have come from, where the roots of my creative spark came from and what wakes me up in the morning. But little do some people know that a single change in life (your favourite jeans are now completely unwearable) can actually have a huge impact of who you thought you were to feel like nothing. Denim products start from a single blanket of cotton goodness. Woven, tested, indigo dyed and put together to create an item that can bring a lot of joy to ones appearance.
For a long time, I have avoided the fact that I am actually an adult. I have just worked for the sake of earning money, finished a bunch of degrees to feel accomplished and educated, travelled because I was intrigued, and have moved around majority of Australia’s capitol cities because I got bored. To some, this sounds really exciting but to me, it feels …….. frayed. The core of this brand is incredibly similar, in the way I look at pre-loved denim. I see it has a life but is not quite sure where it stands. I take that denim, analyse it and give it some hope so it can be loved again.
Finally you have 4 – 5 pairs selected to try on. The break downs of what is good and not good begin. Are you sure this is correctly marked as the right size?
Meeting some amazing people through the years I have watched so many personalities match up or clash, people go through extreme highs and lows, celebrated amazing achievements in life, watched growth and progression and witnessed a few of those close to me suffer. What gets me the most, is that your emotional chemistry with either someone, something or even yourself can have so much impact on your everyday function. To the point where you feel completely numb about everything. I went to purchase new bed sheets on the weekend, I stood and stared at an entire bedding section in a department store for 45 minutes and left with nothing. Only recently have I noticed that at the supermarket, I walk through all the isles and fruit/vegetable section before I even decide what I want.
It has been my biggest fear in life, that people I am surrounded by to ever feel sorry for me. So, when ever life throws me lemons I deal, keep silent and move forward. I sometimes think I am like denim. Tough, realistic and idealistic for all. In doing this I have now discovered, I have bottled so much up to the point where I have cracked. I am not ashamed of this, but it has for sure bitten me on the arse lately.
Fun fact, one bale of cotton can produce 225 pairs of jeans. In a thick skinned mind frame, for a long time I have thought I could produce 225 resolutions, 225 emotional hidings and 225 keep on going’s. As I always have, I walk away from confrontation, or I cop the nasty on the shoulder and keep going. Never let anyone tell you that you are not worth it. Never let anyone tell you, your existence is not worthy and never! let anyone tell you, your difference is fake.
The denim try on process has narrowed your choice down to two pairs. Do you buy both, or just 1 pair?
I have always being the person that wanted the different. The person that did something because it was what everyone wasn’t doing. I colour my hair crazy colours, I clash and break the rules with my clothing, I do something not because I was told to do it, but because I want to do it and I have never been afraid to do so, but voiding and been so afraid of conflict and confrontation has always put its foot in the door leaving me to suffer in silence.
Back in the change room, you try on both pairs again.
Today I was told by a complete stranger that I am the ultimate ‘Denimhead’. I look denim, I talk denim and I actually live denim. If you saw the state of my home right now, its like all the denim I am surrounded by is a living creature. Should I start giving them all names?
Being a Denimhead is also, well I think, closely related to the constant search for facts. The word ‘fact’ is defined as, ‘a truth verifiable from experience or observation.’ All the denim work I put into Frayed Language has some sort of living fact or experience behind it. To gain experience or factual observations you have to get your hands dirty.
Decision time is crunching and if you’re like me you buy them both. 1 pair gets all of the wear and the other, gets an appearance every now and then.
So, all in all. I hope I have inspired you some how to talk, let your emotions run through your creative spill or even just learn a little more about yourself.
I have so much denim to show you….. it is amazing what numbness can do to the creative heart!